So I have been doing some digging.
I have found a creative way of working through my issues, my feelings stagnated in me from my past and my general memories of all feelings I have lived.
I have been told time and time again that there is a sadness in my eyes, a darkness that lurks from time to time. Of course there are times when there is a sparkle or a tear, I am human. I have recently become so fixated on getting to the core of my sadness or what I believe to be a dark force other than me.
In the 12 step programme To do these things you approach step 4{We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves} Which includes Facing every resentment,feeling,guilt,shame,fear,relationships,sex,abuse,assets,secrets. The idea of this is to face these, share them with another and move on.
I have done this before, I had 240 pages of this and it got me thinking, let me do this a little differently. I was vacuumed into millions of ideas that danced around my being. Impulsively I grabbed a photo album and it began. I found a heartfelt, intense way to unblock my channels and really face my reality. I walked into my past. This can be dangerous.
My creative visual diary is upon me, I spent the last 2 days scanning and studying my entire path from birth. This is an amazing visual gateway to my soul, I found sadness at the age of 3, I found a darkness at the age of 6, I spiraled and it has all come naturally to me. From birth to now, just from pictures I have been able to acknowledge my feelings, I truly have found a connection through photos of every feeling I have felt or learnt. My connection to every first emotion, every fear, guilt, joy, shame : the lot! I have found a way to connect to my soul.
This of course will have to be temporary for if one is to get lost in there past they may never walk into there future. I know for now this helps give me a guided tour through a therapeutic walk of my life. Using it with caution at my own risk to truly let go...
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One is supposed to move on. Move on with the day, move on with our thoughts, move on with heartbreak. Move on to the next thing. A strange habit. All of us, Millenials, moving from one thing to the next without considering what used to be.
ReplyDeleteThe institution of marriage, the institution of learning, the institute of Self. Constants.
How is it that one can move on without considering what was just lived?
The two go hand in hand. I never knew to reflect was to Be. If one doesn't reflect how does one take the next step?
I cut Greg out of my memories and look where it got me.
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