"Give me a ticket for an aeroplane

ain't got not time for a fast train

lonely days are gone I'm a going home...."

Less darkness lurking in my soul. Earlier when told by a an "elder" that I should pull myself out of my negative space, I became silently angry (when I saw him shuffling round the pool in his hot pants and sandals (I fantasized myself pushing him in the pool, such satisfaction.) Then a counselor reiterated his words ad I was no longer silently angry. Words came from me so, loudly, so passionately "It's not that fucking easy, this is something more than just addiction, I cant just get out of a negative space!) I motion my hands up towards my neck, grabbing my throat, "not when it's in my throat, controlling me, I cant just rip it out!"

Well soon after it seems I did exactly that. I was going to sleep it away But I just couldn't live through another day of darkness. Impulsively I jumped, as I do, grabbed my camera, as I do and drove up the coast. It was the best decision for me, by me.

Who knew driving fast, listening to opera, with my camera in my holster, taking in the west coast would rip that evil from my throat. A solo ride in to the sun, took me out from under my feet and to a desolate road of escape. I drove for 4 hours, I shot the scene and raced the road, I returned to sleep.

When I woke I could not believe how much better I felt, I found a way to pick me up with out a come down, if I feel this way for a minute to a day to a year, it matters not for I feel it now!