No cloud of mine =

FRIVOLOUS: of little value or importance; trifling; trivial self-indulgently carefree; unconcerned about or lacking any serious purpose. of little or no weight, worth, or importance; not worthy of serious notice Inappropriately silly.

This evening in group I was asked how I feel. Today I feel low in energy and physically ill but my mind is hyper and full of energy. She turned around and asked if that's a good thing. "why not?" said I. She then said well you are always so Frivolous I never know what... I of course held on to one thing and one thing only "frivolous" I have not been able to stop my self thinking of this for it is really hurtful. Yes I can be Inappropriately silly, I joke around a lot whether I am in a bad space or a good space. I tease and I have fun. I don't feel I do it in an unhealthy way and this is a part of my personality form day 1 (referring back to all my photos it is very obvious) Trivial I am not! Little value? I think not! the list goes on but I will end with lacking any serious purpose? Well now this had got me seriously thinking "what the hell am I doing in a treatment centre where clearly the counselors have no idea, I feel they are way out of their depth with me, this stings somewhat . I am anything but, I am deep and think deeply, I feel Deeply I am deeply, nothing just is with me until I have found some sort of serious meaningful connection to it all. I feel If they have missed something so extreme in me I may as well move on. HOWEVER , Tomorrow I will call them on this and ask if they know what Frivolous actually means or if they truly just cant read me even though I feel like an emotional open book, for anyone to turn the pages and read. I can learn from this! Perhaps I should become less 'funny' to be taken seriously, but seriously when I am deep in Downs and morbid here, I am not taken seriously and when I am foolish the same applies. So no guns blazing, I walk in to there office tomorrow no armour and see... On another note, The best part of my day was as I lay my head on to the grass and became a part of the sky. Playing with the clouds, making shapes and forms, the colours carried me and the clouds calmed me.I Played a game I used to play as a child along with my sister, we would find a cloud and in every cloud there is an image, imagination slides through whisps of different shades of greys and whites. This is my meditation...