Away

Monday, February 22, 2010

Closure in process


My head was wandering off a little. My body has been weakened by my mind. I am scared of failing. I am irritated at circumstances. I still love her and sometimes despise me. Could I have done something different? Rantings of separate issues with parallel feelings. 

 I was with my counselor for what seemed like hours and I sensed she truly cares. I truly do, care for her. Is this healthy? Debatable. I say yes: Her profession strong to her, her opinion everything to me. I take my friend seriously. I take my counselor more so! This combo works for me, as long as I have not imagined it.

 Delirious in thoughts about my ex getting ‘married’, she speaks so bluntly. Her way of reaching out is defined in small details of her manipulation. Already I am sensing my heart is no longer hard to her, but soft and easy. All the more not to see her before she elopes to London. My last memory was I holding her. Whispering stories in her ear as I tickled her back. 

My decision now is why look for closure when that is it. My last memory together is enough. My last memory of her non-sensitivity to publicly breaking up with me on facebook is enough to know. We are over and so what if I still have her base guitar...

 I was feeling dreary in my world, my bubble. Hardened by reality and softened by love. Almost delirious in a wayward cage. Until I stumbled outside feeling stoned I looked to the sky. Instantly my view was changed, I came back to my name and smiled...

1 comment:

Speak to me