slid up

What a handsome view I have. Th sky is painted purple and is meshed with the gray sea. I'm norm

ally drawn to the sea when shes angry, today I am drawn to her placid  humming. It soothes my very being in place and time. 

It seems my high came down as quickly as it came up. I am close to motionless and unfazed. In sync with the way the ocean creeps to the sand. An animated start to a rather mellow me. I guess starting and ending my day withswimming close to sharks in freezing water is a must have, by all means. My the adrenaline added with a splash of salt water, equals some drug like effect of being calm.

Either I am emotionless or this holiday at my grandparents has sent me into a halcyon mood. Poised with calmness, my eyelids heavy, after 2 naps I am ready for another... Could I be depressed? I think not. All the therapy I have presses my thinking to wander what every feeling thought and emotion is connected to. Perhaps today I am just mellow, perhaps It long over due.

Perhaps to much therapy is counter therapy, perhaps perhaps perhaps

Whoops, a few hours after I typed the above in blue: um I lost my cool and broke my solace. A 30 year old having a tantrum (well not exactly lying on the ground kicking and screaming) Definitely raising my voice when I was refused the right to have a cigarette as my family was ready for dinner I sarcastically said "well if you can all drink I don't see why I can have a fucking cigarette" My grandfather unimpressed scolded me without saying a word. I stomped on the butt and joined the table with my tail between my legs, humbly pretended I did not just take the role of a teen, sat calmly at the table and commented on how lovely the food was.