Plain

I am certainly a person of one extreme to the other. Yesterday just that: yesterday! Today I am a hyperactive flirt, no bulletproof vest, full throttle I GO.

 It’s just the way it happens with me. You could say unpredictable but actually the opposite. I have found some sort of high ground, almost afloat a steam moving cloud train.

 The ladies in the house had the pleasure of been taken to a meeting none of us would normally go to. Let me put it this way a meeting to teach a few humility, a taste of being taught how to be humble.

 Packed in my councillors car who. A counsellor I have become a tad flirtatious with. To the point I found myself asking her to handcuff me to her chair. A smirk, an exchange of flush, naturally a little rush. Honestly I did not mean it in the sexual sense I meant could she not cuff me to the chair in until my ex has left for London, in order to keep me from hurting myself.

 You see the thing I struggle with now is do I see her before she leaves or do I not. They say I should look at her like a drug, use the tools that have kept me clean to keep me from picking up: her! Today I have made the decision to do this. Tomorrow who knows?

 Back to the meeting, I sat in front of my councillor’s car, strapped in and ready to snoop. Behind the wheel a paaionate driver, caringly cunning for sharing her beauty. Behind  me were 4 ladies. Starting with the silent lady who never really talks but knows how to smile, the smile I watch to see what lies behind. In the middle a very eager lady, honest about her cravings and amped to try new things, in this case a new meeting. Then of course the lady dancer, always on the move and ever so sly, dancing her way in to out. Next to her is my sleeping beauty. Toady she is being tested, a meeting when does not want to know about, acting out and general fuck it all mood. That’s ok, today she can be fuck this fuck you tomorrow she could be this is ok. And this is ok, for I know this well: yesterday I was livid; today I am anything but calm. But I am good.

We are all allowed to feel as we feel.

 Of course in front we had the running commentary from me. Driving through the gangsters land, from shack to run down flats to perfectly formed houses. Someone asked the counsellor “so why are we going to this meeting?” she explained that it was to support a new woman’s group and friends could bring friends. I piped up with “oh so it’s bring one get one free” She could not help but smile as the others laughed.

 These comments flew all the way there, once there, I could tell those who were uncomfortable and those who weren’t. I was comfortable, I eased in but shyly. I found an attraction to some beautiful girls. Trust me to find no matter where I go to gaze upon the beauty.

 But really the beauty was in the meeting, the share, and the individuals. Watching my council closely, the need to see the human in her, the human I see more, the beauty. My friend next to me so lost and angry, fighting to understand why, her hair covering her face her heart; the beauty. The circle of a close nit group passionate about there space their life, their journey, seated in a run down school, discarded. But the energy creates a light; the beauty.

 All of this and more. Remembering my past may be sordid but holes of energy, buckets of love and in the cracks; THE BEAUTY