segregate me

Oh I sighed, ‘but what is this to mean?” Could it be just as it is? Two become one in feeling for a moment. And is that moment but just a moment, or could it be a moment that lasts a lifetime.

I don’t know how to feel, weather it be my meds, my headspace, me, us or we. I am so frustrated because I am fighting to be just me. I can then make sense of it all. How often is love, love? Could it be, or does my foggy heart deceive me.

It is not only one but two. Forbidden to explore even just attraction. So many of us who want what we cannot have, but then again who says I may not.

I have become so very confused. I do not know how to transmit, or process the information that another may feel the way I do. Due to my not being entirely me, with a spacey head, not even knowing where I am half the time. This alluring being of depth. A depth we share but not to be shared.

How often does one fall for that which is not there’s to fall for. Deceiving myself. I want to feel this, I beg, I plead, let me feel what is meant to be felt. Take this madness away, how is it to be just as I am. No delusions, confusion fades. Oh to be just me. Wait maybe that’s it, maybe this is I and that is not. Do any of us ever know? Do we?

If it could be simple. Take away the addiction, the treatment centre, the less than a year, the rules, the house and just stand there staring from our souls, take me, I will take you. Alas slowly the fence is back, the house is built around us, it’s a treatment centre, addicts mass. Not alone. Alone I hold your hand… To be or not to be, I plead for now just to be: you as you and me as me.

Take me away from this hell, a ravens cry, a demons soil is ruffled bellow my feet. How long does this lat, I’m crying to feel? So I know where I stand, as I hold no ones hand, so I know how I feel, when wept from a quintessential role. A role its not but whole, her.

I feel I know to destroy, give me back so I can relate. I love you as you love me, for now I need not be!

What the fuck am I talking about?