Gramps

There is an old man that lives here and he is not just any old man. Actually is not that old at all. 10 years younger then my grand parents and he shuffles around with his nose turned to the sky as if he were 30 years older then them. He is of course an alcoholic, not just any alcoholic. He carries air about him. He talks like a judge in a courtroom. He tells us constantly about his intellect. I wander if he knows intellect is not connection. 

He strides with grandiose at his side. Not just arrogance, superiority at it's highest. Everyday he refines his words and those of others. He simply thinks he is perfection of glorified "Englishman" Looking down on others with humor that does not seem to match his intellect. Never connecting to others. Constantly proposing that he is "calm and utterly positive"

I do not trust him. I can’t stand the sight of him or his snooty energy that seeps into my core, grinding it like flesh to a grater. I often feel him staring at me and loudly I moan "arrrrrrrggggggg" I informed my counselor that if he were to look at either me or my friend for longer than one minute, one more time, I would take his eyes out!" extreme, I suppose- I tend to listen to my gut and she cries STOP! 

He came in to my space, his hand pushed down on my shoulder. I looked up at him sheepishly thinking 'if you touch me one more time I will fucking kill you" but instead I smiled. This balding male, wearing pants to his chest, with a bulge on his bottom that resembles a diaper but it is not, just his fashion. Condescendingly he spoke slowly and softly " you have parked in my parking, that’s where I park!" every word that left his mouth was like swallowing earthworms. 'Really" I said. From that day 2 of my friends and I have parked in "his" parking daily.

I find it hard to tolerate a 'judge' who manipulates every, movement, word and so called emotion. I find it almost impossible to live under the same roof as what I interpret as a "dirty old man| always lurking around me, glaring. Enough is enough. Tomorrow I take this carefully pre meditated |'gramps' on.

Not in a ring or the back of a club. In a therapeutic group of course.

I know tolerance of others and human compassion is a give and take. I will try to be as tolerant as I can. I will not lie about how I feel. I will no longer let him own my space: I will look him in the eye and calmly (hopefully) ask him what he is hiding? See where it goes from there.

This is not to attack but to grow. It will help both me and maybe him. I will confront appropriately, not in rage and possibly even set a boundary. I allowed this to go on to long. To the point that I have lost any tolerance. This is bluntly honest; I am not perfect nor strive to be. I am learning a healthier way.

To be continued...