open/close

My Therapist said something really profound today, but I'm gonna have to call her in the morning to remind me: that's how mind blowing it was(and I am not being sarcastic) I just need a word from her to explain it all perfectly.

I made my own decision today, something I do not do often. I usually let things slide, the kind of person who can SOMETIMES be "I don't know, what do you want to do?" 

Toady I decided to go visit my ex girlfriend. I wanted a good bye. I asked my self first what are my motives behind this. Honestly no motives other then I want to see her, I want to say good bye.

As I approached the door my heart was pounding like a hammer to a sheet. I was welcomed by a good person. There was no one last time "sex in the afternoon" . There was no screaming match of the blame game. In fact there was no game at all. We sat and chatted for hours. Asked and answered questions. For once there was whole honesty from both sides. We share and will always share a connection. A common ground of love. We both understand we can not be together and for now only far away friends of mutual respect. 

Talking, laughing being really while cuddled by Sandy(the dog) it came to the time I would have to go. I said to her "it was very hard for me to come her, but it will be even harder to leave" She understood just by the way she looked at me. Walked me to the door, we hugged, just hugged. I kissed her on the cheek, held my hand on her shoulder, looked deeply into her, the real her "I do care for you!" She smiled warmly, beautifully unspoken. I walked away and muttered to myself "I love you, I need to let you go" 

I couldn't of asked for it any other way. It may not be complete closure but it makes it easier for my process.

I felt a little sad, relieved but mostly Amazing!

So life goes on as it does, flowing faster then my mind races. I savour the moments it stands still.