walls dont whisper

I have spent the whole day trying to escape,and now I have planned the most simple of escapes. Black duffel bag packed swung over my shoulder, I leapord crawl across the garden, round the 120 year old tree
Towards the white picket fence. Without so much as looking over my shoulder I hop over. My knight in shining armour is revving his car,my getaway car all fired up and off we go into the night.only to discover I don't have my
Meds my escape would be short lived as without the meds I would really have to be here and here in a straight jacket. So no no escape.

Maybe I should follow my closet girls lead and escape with some linen,but that would only be temporary. I have tried escaping to food, I have tried fantasy, I have been lurking the gate all day. The escape I choose is to wait for
My shrink and walk out the front gat freely with meds in hand. I count the seconds.

Oh how I love to hear my name called out on the speaker when I have vistors, today I have only heard my name called out at 7 am to take my blood pressure.
I have resorted to staring at a fly on the wall, I have discovered that pool for one is thrilling. Infact I have been on my own mission all day. Its not so bad being alone,
Lonesome and fascinated by it all. Here I go again, how easily I find myself fascinating to myselfM

After I tried to convince my dad to get me. Out of her and well rejection. Mmm then I tried my mom and she put the phone down? Mmm eschewal. Then a whole othe renouncement from a whole other aspect.
I threw down my pool que but somehow jumped back and realised I don't need it,or this or that, being scared just brings more strenght and being in my own company(yes having real conversations with myself)
Its not that lonely, I can fill my head with company if I choose. I can also choose to quiet my mind and enjoy my silence in all this fucking noise.

I don't mind the psychotic screams in the night, I don't mind the woman who stares through me like a jackel. I don't mind the rantings of my new paranoid housewife. I don't mind the live band from across the road, or the nurses that
Laugh at me when I run up and down the stairs thousands of times(shit they probably think I'm manic,better walk up)
I do mind the darkness of our moods, being unwanted, uselesss and thrown. Good thing my armous is think and I have a knack of standing each time I fall.

I can handle what I do mind with what I don't.

My last night watching the blood of the past dripping from the walls. My last night of the screams in the worlds that take and feed.
Last night pretending there is something wrong with me.

But then again what is pretend. Please walk me out of here, I just can't sit and rock, soothing sea calls me.
There is no need to fear what is not scarey, and I am no longer easily scared.