room 19

My adress is currently room #19 otherwise known as the suicide watch room. Personaly I do believe I am in the wrong room.
Possibly even the wrong place. I belong neirther here nor there! It is very amusing when I meet someone and they as ”so which room are you in?"
I smile my naughty smile and slyly say ”suside watch" everyone chuckles.

Here, muchlike when you go to rehab, everyone in rehab compares drugs, here they compare suicide attempts, in a very amusing way.

Son no I am not allowed my computer nor my razor, but I do have my phone, with this phone I continue to blog...
Once again my sanity in this loony hospital- and I vouch the loons here are beautiful in all there unique ways. A sad story
Behind each but each manages to laugh and all are special.

When I arrived I was manic. It was torture as I had no outlet, no impulsive drive up th coast, no writing on the walls.I came here to feel better
And it was the worst I have felt yet. I had no one to talk to so I spoke to myself, my feet jamming to my mind speech! I ran, I took a pill, I needed it
As the crazies wouldn't fade and I slept amongst 8 heavily medicated, beastly snoring, suicidal woman. The snoring was a lullaby compared to my intrusive mind.
I fell asleep for 20 minutes, the nurse woke me with a message- your 'friend' will visit u later.

This gave me something to look forward to. I counted each second til visiting time. I could not wait.but wait I did. While I waited I formed a posse. You see when I woke
I woke in feel good way. Confident to be happy while I'm here, and to be happy I can not subject myself to only my mind, I need other minds to. A feeling of the same.
I still feel I don't belong, but I suppose I have always felt that way. So the trick is to connect, when connected to others I will feel more connected to self, and then I can belong in me!

My visitor arrived, my world stopped and became ours. My mind stopped racing and my heart began thumping. An energy of connection had already been made but I felt somewhat different?
Someting surge as hands touched, my heart stopped and my chest warmed. I feel lost in this as I know not what to do,
From one person to another I would say "when I am with you, my soul is not restless" I would say so much. But this is not one person to another, this is my friend, today my beautiful friend!

My new pathalogicol liar of a friend went missing, a couple of hours later she was found hiding in the linen cupboard. Maybe I should try that, perhaps it is a gateway to another world,
Where all makes sense, could be touched my magic and return as just one me. I mean what the hell do u want to do in the linen closte,

I need to rest as my head is throbbing, my world at times becomes so pure and others all the walls fall. I take flight and hold you near but for now, I hold us up in a saftey net, where I will be strong so
Neither will fall!