Girl meets boy

Most times people have more than just addiction. We live amongst a number of behavioral problems. Most of which I can relate to. The one I will highlight today is round "sex. Love and affirmation" and everything one would do for that. I am one of those who seek affirmation to feel better. One who chases love to the point of rejection and in my case if there is sex that is just a bonus. Then you get those who seek affirmation through sex.

I cannot build the right picture of the suspense and drama in what seemed to be the making of a reality game show in the living room. Except this was not a game! I sat and watched a friend fall. She sat and listened to an arrogant bloke talk of her as if she is nothing. Simply put he is the most selfish male I have ever encountered. Preying on vulnerable young girls. He acts promptest as if he can dominate anyone, I see through him. He is sad and alone. He pretends so hard not to care he might of stopped altogether.

I had to confront him and sleeping beauty of a well-formed exclusive relationship/ their manipulation playing it openly. I hurt for her when she could not at his flippancy towards her.

They were launched, kicked out, asked to leave. In short: I have explained before in a facility such as this we are expected to work on ourselves and our behaviors to be able to integrate into life and a life without using. Simply asked not to engage in sexual, romantic or exclusive relationships. As I to have done this earlier and been launched for 48 hours I had time to reflect: It is not about sex or a relationship it is purely that we have been so broken from ourselves for so long, how is it possible so early to be truly "in love3" In my experience it is rather truly defocused from self, everything falls away and before you know it I could be lost to a long line of cocaine.

Complexes? Simple?

I feel sad for my friend; I see parts of myself in her. I feel sad for this process of harshness, that it can sometimes be, I feel sad for those so lost in there selves they no longer find the need to connect to others.

I cannot speak for other but from my eyes this is what happened:

A lost girl 

A lost boy                               (BOY MEETS GIRL)

Both addicts with underlying or very obvious 'sexlove addiction'   

Girl seeks affirmation

Boy seeks affirmation                  (GIRLS FALLS FOR BOY)          

Girl receives a drawing from boy                                                          

Boy receives devotion from girl

Boy hurts girl                             (BOY & GIRL?)

Girl takes boy back

Normally Girl seeks love in affirmation and always falls. Then girl learns it is much like the high and lows of using: I can’t expect everyone to understand.

BUT

This game of boy meets girl, boy meets boy, girl meets girl, and girl meets boy does not work when all are fragile and still building a relationship with themselves. I take myself for example: when I slept with a girl a few months ago, I spiraled down so much when I was rejected I became destructive, to the point of let me relapse. I stopped myself and learnt some some. 

This game does not work because it based on a false hope of open-ended sentences and lies. It brings one or even both down to some dark left over from the light. 

Whatever I am not going to philosophies my theories on this for hours. But for you my friend: Yes own your part and grow. 

And B O Y, grow up or fuck off...


Actually I have thought of this some more: I have no right to judge, but I can sense and I do feel. Life can not only be about one person, I can not afford to be self centered, to be self centered is a very mastered isolation to self pushing. 


I ask myself why am I giving my power away to those who dont care for me anyway. The answer is thus: I can still care for those who dont. Be sensitive to those who dont even see me walk past. Its ok because thats me!