Famous kind of dream

Its official I am super manic. Waking up for sunset, which I must add was alluring in all it's essence. Some kind of wonderful I have never seen. Today I was privileged enough to gaze upon the scene of the sun coming up from a huge rain cloud. As the rays met my eyes, the rain poured into the sea. Captivated for a brief moment and up an at 'em I go. Go in a whole new understanding of the terminology. I frantically smoked three cigarette's one after the other, trying to calm down my thoughts. Racing, pacing, facing the mad rush of a perfect mania. Senses heightened to all sounds, sights and smells. Sending my feelings soaring like a shadowed phoenix.

I sat down with my grand parents to have breakfast, quick as my appetite is low when I am high. Bid them a sweet farewell of warm hugs on the damp grass.I became speed race along the coast, trying to arrive at home on time for community group. HALT! Morning traffic. Instead of road rage I found my self to be calm as I was consumed by thoughts and racing ideas. Taking in the not so subtle precious view. I arrived!

People asked if I had used. My mania was visible and even more noticeable. This made me more paranoid and my behaviour became extenuated. My thoughts fast my speech faster. A cheetah racing a pronghorn antelope. Group started and I felt i was being infiltrated with negative energy. And Fuck no, no ones messing with this high. I shot back speech of defiance. When a councilor said 'you are disrupting the group' I fumed and my mania by the furies side I got up and declared "that's OK" pushed my chair "I will kindly leave group and there will be no destruction. So you can all concentrate on you!" I left in a steam.

Called my mom screaming that I'm leaving, "I'm fed up! Done with this rehab shit, I'm going to Plett(a small town 6 hours from here" I soon realised it was my impulse and not me. I had a cold shower to 'calm' down, chatted with my counselor. She had a way with me that made this feel so much more manageable, easier. I called My Psychiatrist and she explains my lithium levels are out of range because I had Gastro. Can not believe that link???? She has now instructed me to double my dose of sereqoul (shut off pill) at night. She also expects me to take the shut off pill during the day. This scares me as I refuse to be zombified.

And... not so secretly I love manic! I feel on top of the world, higher then free basing off a cliff. I told my counselor I would be going for a swim, to return directly after. Then my head started ticking, tick tick ... Next thing I had a body board under my arm a umbrella over my shoulder and a picnic lunch. The extreme. Of course it too me hours to find the stretch of beach I wanted. I drove miles and eventually turned around and settled for the first spot.

I lay in the sand restless, swimming often to stop my head from feeling in the clouds and on an acid trip. I returned home. And home is where I am now.

So manic is fucking A but it self destructs rabidly. Today I did something different: I called my shrink and asked for help. I could of done what I do best taken the ride and see where it took me. For now I am still on the wave but lets see?