Here I go again with {It's OK} not to know, we or I am not supposed to have the answers to all but at this moment I feel like I should know.
This day has been filled with manic cross low cross high cross both. I babbled my mouth off to my councilor saying far to much. To much being that I obsess over her, what I meant was I fantasise about her.. It just comes out of my mouth. In this state of open ended Bi Polar things are not on the tip of my tongue but gallantly marching out of my mouth. I know as I am saying it, I should not be, but there seems to be no control. I don't know?
I sat opposite my Psychiatrist today as she declared I have Bi polar1 and not just Bi Polar, it hit me a little but did not phase me to much as nothing really is.
I cant stop the stock motion of my mind, the only time I am calmed is through what I see as opposed to what I think:
They run like warriors no lone wheels
Greys road paved , reminiscing peels
away from discarded pools painted blue
a penguins dreams of a kangaroo
spectators bliss from numb to you
we reach out and sense the ride is near
so long ago, my hands turned from fear
lost in this and found in that
we all are one, stood or sat
look at the brave boys heart
and know its been yours from the start
today i say i do know, i do fucking know!
ReplyDeletei stood on the edge and jumped hoping that love would catch me forgetting that i was plumeting towards reality which seems like the time it's taking to smack me in the face is forever. i don't want to fall yet i am living in what they say is fantasy although my heart tells me its reality... and yes i 2 do not know if i am making sense, the games my mind plays with me, but does it really matter... when the consequences are like vampires and i am left empty... and alone...although of course i know i am not.
it
ReplyDeleteall makes sense
stop making sense
That if love would catch my fall, my fall would be painless. It does not need to make sense when life is just handing life.
ReplyDeleteIf you allowed yourself to fall and trust love would catch, I would be that love and I would catch with ease.
Is this fantasy real, no questions asked as some tomorrows away it could be.
where we stand as we do not forgotten the reality as you say in essence of perfectly "when the consequences are like vampires and i am left empty... and alone...although of course i know i am not."
For now I fade distantly as this forbidden ode will be safe from both you and me.
AND YES IT DOES ALL MAKE SENSE