passenger

Well when I started this blog, just three months ago I never could of predicted I truly would experiance analysis paralysis in its deepest form.

I have spent the past few weeks in my own little hell. For once it was not a self-inflicted
Hell. Who would of thought having gastro would manipulate the levels of my lithuim fast tracking me
To extreme meania.

I rode the wave of manic, embracing it. I had fun at first, everything intensely beautiful, it was a 20 meter wave
And I took the surf like duck to water. As expected but uninvited - came spiraling down with a twist.
Not only depressed but manicly so.

I am exhausted by my minds confusion. A mind unmatched with her soul.I felt I lost me.remebering
I lost me a few weeks ago. I was just to lost in the madness to know. Now still I loose myself,one moment hyper,
Confident, feel I can be anything. SLAM. I am down in the pits of my thoughtless hell, where racing thoughts
Of suiside and self harm, feeling alone,no one but me, I hate this space it makes me sick. And then SLAM! I am myself,
Just altered by medication.

With this I have become slightly dangerous to myself and as a result I can't stay in the house I'm in.
Because today I am not just an addict, I am feeling sick, like flu but more vile.
Normally when one gets sick they go to the doctor or if it worsens the hospital.

Tomorrow I will be taking a visit. I doubt I will be able to do my blog(my sanity) for the duration of my visit.
I will be visiting the psyche ward also known as a psychiatric hospital,nut house. And for me - will call it a visit
Until my meds are level.
And I am stable!

I will be sure to take mental notes of the beings and happenings there so I can share my experiances
In all aspects of myself and others in cucu land.hoping that this time there will be no one standing above me talking in tounges.
Could be exciting? @erhaps I can once again make friends with someonewho has dellusions and constantly puts me in her will.
I wander what nickname I might pick up this time? If I'm lucky enough. Perhaps whilst
Getting better I get to learn more about others, experiance life as it is on lifes terms.

This is a gift,I find it beautiful. I need to go, although I'm scared, I want myself in myself!
Not hovering around dancing with ghosts.

So bottoms up to lithuim stabalising my spirited mind. Cheers to me standing strong when I am
Vulnerably weak. I am here for me to stay.

So off I go... Mind divided in millions, soul lost in translation of thoughts.
Off I go,myself fragmented,departed sometimes to Venus and others to hell.
I go to take both back and receive my true from:ME. No straight jackets binding,
No electric shock therapy strapped to my brain, just a caring little getaway for my soul to reach self!

I smile at the faries we all have in our heads. I laugh at the demons whispers of disdain.
I hold the love that keeps sanity sane,(or should it be the other way round? Shrug of shoulders)

Hey, it might only be a few days.. So cool: a toast to care of oneself and support of those who waitamamam