motion sick

One of those days when I am just not in the mood. I am fed up with all these 'professionals' in my life,
This rehab out of rehab. I have a shrink who medicates me and sees that the progran of th AA/NA does not
Allow for much individuality. I am in agreement.

I was then asked by my counslor, who I only happen to see twice a week, she asked me my dreaded and most avoided subject,
"Are you going to meetings?" , "no ofcourse" was my answer, "well how and why are you staying clean?"
I was direct and firm and looked her in the eyes , the answer simple and strong, "because I want to!"
To me that is more believable then me telling her that I'm doing this because of ...

Now as I have said beforen yes this fellowship works for some, and it has been proven and blah blah blah, I'm happy that that's what is
Working for them and clearly something else is working for me. It called a blance of belief.

Instead od these folks spendidng so much time trying to convinse me of thgier way, surely working with something that works for me as
Opposed to working with what works for me, I will never pretend that it works if it does not.

Tommorrow I am 6 months clean, I pretend to be modest but inside I am truly proud. And I am particulary proud that I have put in the work,
I continue to put in the work, even when so much has gone wrong, so much is right.
I have done this by honouring what works for me, with the guidence of beauty. - will go into this tomorrow,
For now I know, live , breather and feel what guides me. It not a programme or a person, it just is!


I'm now sitting next to my mom as we house sit a mansion that feels like a cruise ships, as if we floting on the ocean, I sometimes even feel sea sick,
My mom is sipping on her vodka convincing me that we have identical noses. And they perfect! Slightly irritated at her tipsiness, I humour her, and am 'confinced'
Its not that bad , eventhough I see har sadness, I remind myself I know her sadness(well)

So here : mommy and me, just stting on our boat of moving souls on the gifts sea.