Isn't it strange how in a place you have never felt truly welcomed you can be so warmly welcomed and in a instant of one small incident u become unwelcomed. Strange how life works.
Today I arrived at my dads place with an irritating feeling in my gut. How are they going to treat me (after the psyche ward) what will I say? Can I be myself? For so many years it has been a struggle to be any of that here. Well the fascinating thing, with all our history,energy I did what came naturally. I played no role, I played myself so to speak.
After a lovely dinner, pomegranate juice flowing, laughing, bonding and a family love I have always craved. A heartfelt steak blending with butterflies of tender rare caring, salted with open minds, no seduction was needed as this was pure so easliy intoxicated with feeling.
Well here I am feeling welcomed and comfort, I ask what I think is a normal thing, "can I use the computer please" I almost knew the answer just from the silence, her face almost told me before she mouthed the words. Plainly, this is my dads house, where I would like to feel at home and it comes a little hard when, there are 3 computers IN this house and - apparently can't use any?
Well I'm not sure what it is but I'm sure what my thoughts are: in a short space of realness so easily the fake sets in? If I can't use a computer in my own fathers house what is it about me? I'm sure I am feeling not only irritated but in one turn of a ridiculous answer everything seems divided and how can I tell what's real or is it realish.
Well its okay, I wear the real on my sleeve and keep the rest in my pocket.
And its more okay that I can send this through my sister by pen through , phone, my ink is my blackberry and my pen is you.
That moment of 'family ties' was worth every bit to put all the real that comes with it , close by on my sleeve.
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