I guess I would say I accomplished what I wanted to do in the last two days: me time. I guess I was unsuccessful at leaving the house (ever). I was successful at cooking three meals by meals I mean 1) Tomato soup. 2) Beef fillet with roasted peppers and baked potato and #) French toast. So yes for me that's cooking. I was successful at watching six dvd. When asked what I watched I cant seem to recall all of them. So i ate, smoked(cigarettes) , watched a hell of a lot of tv and slept in late. I would say I was escaping. I no longer use drugs as a form of escape so staying at home loosing myself to a warm blanket, good food and a movie is my escape.
It was successful, i accomplished my goal, which was not see anyone and just be with myself, next time I will try some silence to.
So that's me, and now here I am back home with my grandparents ready to take on what ever it is that's intended for me to take on. right? what is that....
I have been having these awful scary but meaningful dreams. Such as all the people I love are in dangerous placed and very threatened. In these dreams I always have to save them, but sometimes I cant save them at all, and I wake up crying. Crying and have a splitting headache. Of course this gets me thinking, or rather dissecting these dreams and I guess it all comes down to dreams being a sequence of events combined with memory, sub conscience, feelings and fears(notice how I differentiate feelings from fears) Any way my therapist suggested to me it was a fear of certain people not always being there and my constant need to always keep everyone happy. (she has a point.) There was one thing I cant shake in this dream there is a woman I have never met and she is my wife and we have children, and I have to protect them) well who ever that woman is, if she is to be my wife and we are to meet in my real life, i will be very happy) where can I start looking. no no, I don't look. We meet, someway when I have forgotten. Isn't that normally how it works, wait a minute this is a dream from some other place, and I would want no part in the other parts of this dream, so no "psychic abilities" unwelcome here.
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she stood breast high amid the corn,
ReplyDeleteclasped by the golden light of morn,
like the sweetheart of the sun,
who many a glowing kiss had won,
on her cheek an autumn flush,
deeply ripened;-such a blush
in the midst of brown was born
like red poppies grown with corn,
round her eyes treses fell,
which were blackest non could tell,
but long lashes veiled a light,
that had else been all too bright,
and her hat, with shady brim,
made her tressy forehead dim,
thus she stood amid the stooks,
praising god with sweetest looks,
sure i said, heav'n did not mean,
where i reap thou shouldst but glean,
lay thy sheaf adown and come,
share my hearvest and my home.