Away

Saturday, May 22, 2010

you blocking my view

Its been a while since I have been writing my thoughts on this wall. My internet was capped and I had no means to re connect. Thanks to my grand father I am once again, online. There is no way in this little town to rob others of their internet as I would in London. Maybe its a more honest approach?

I am sleeping far to much, I woke at 11 am and back to sleep at 3 pm, was up for a whole 4 hours. Yes some would consider this to be, "depressed", but this I am not. My brain is functioning well and my pheromones seem to be above average. trouble...

I spent a lazy afternoon listening to stories about my grand mothers travels and her first perm, which was forced upon her by an eccentric mother. My gran being just 10 years old, walked out from a 1950's parlour into a 1980's time warp. Thankfully it only lasted a month.

I love listening to her stories, everything seemed so easy back then. By easy I mean simple, or maybe she is just an easy going nana.

I to am traveling soon, and i have the jitters. The closer I get to my deluxe 6 week holidy my mood seems to rise. I found a new drug, traveling.

Moving on and moving out- once I return from my travels in the middle of july, which I hope to update on my wee blog, i will be moving out from my grandparents and into a small place on a vinyard. It is just a moving block. I have been moving around since a girl, I still feel like that same girl, just bigger. So I move to a new bllock, temporarily ofcourse. Waiting and learning until the next stage.

I have learnt in this past week, I control nothing , i go with it, I live with it and I choose to be happy with it. I guess I am being slightly melodramatic when I say I controll nothing, as I have some say in body movements, how to drive my car or make my bed. Also I can alter my decisions and moods to an extent. So rephrase, nothing is in my controll but how I react can be.

4 comments:

  1. can we ever control anything?

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  2. no... not in my experience, accepting is key, one of my weaker realties.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I to am entering a sybatical, not out of conscious choice but consequence,
    vasilating between anger and the struggle to let go, acceptance and seeing the gift,
    knowing i am not in control having choice in as you say, how i react,
    sometimes i want to cry and others i want to scream "fuck you"!!!!! to whom ever is listening,
    my fear strangling me,
    the mystery, the beauty...
    my beauty,
    "fuck you"!!!!!
    i will trust in others,
    there has to be more than this...
    bon voyage...

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  4. skeptical?
    what if this is all there is? what if the constant fight to be elsewhere is not as good? what if it's better?

    no more drowned solace of the never end.

    fuck you, screaming back at me a thousand times over.

    everyone and no one, how many times does reality stab
    only when fantasy is turned on.

    Bon voyage again and again

    ReplyDelete

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