brown coated hometown

So here I am visiting my home town and am happy that is all I am here: a visitor. Its always challenging being here and everytime I come here I swear I will never return. Somehow I always find my way back.

I wander if heritage is enogh to keep me in such a dull place. I fail to see any positives of this place I was born and bred, It could be i just put blinders on, as to refuse to connect in anyway.

Connection of here is not up to me, for history seems to keep me grounded or rather wounded. I look out the window and the view is faded, everything brown, the grass, the houses, the sky: me.

So i found myself being depressed and started thinking, there is nothing wrong with here. Its ok to be a visitor in a place i once called home, If I take the blindersoff I can see there is infact beauty in everything.

History is just the way we have been conditioned to behave, just a particle of true form, but absolutely not true. Take history and thought process away and we become what we truly are. So with this, I unstrap my blind fold of hetred for 'home' and use both concept, imagination and feeling.

There are pros to everything, How cvan I forget the authentic of upbrining, and experiances not only bad are just that experiances. They dont make you or I. I have family here, that are dear to me and more than just heritage, they are past,current and future. They may not be me, but they are part of me. And If I were not in this hometown I apparently despise I would not have that experiance of part of.

So now when I go look out the window, it may be brown, but it will be a brown I will not always be able to see, It will become romantic and just a part of being what makes up particles of me. I dont have to make it the blood that pumps my heart, but I canjust accept it as a now moment.

So I know home is not neccesarily where I am from, not a search forwhere I belong,just a sence of who I am is enough of home for me, even if I am only at the foundatuion of that home.