leaves fall and trees crash

I don't know what it is with me? Surely if i lack self understanding it is impossible to ask or expect or think that another can possibly understand me. I'm tired, its tiring.

One moment all is great, My mood elated, clouds passing by, High!
the next, down, I can smell the damp of dirt,nasty thoughts knuckled in the sand!

Then frozen. Everything slows down, I meekly lay clutching a hot water bottle, rushing in slow motion/violently crashing.

Loneliness, taking air, blocking passages, a balloon whooshing between my ears,

another day, another night, wake me up in the morning