Bygone

One of those days, pro active in one-way and debilitating in another.
I decided to sort through my shit, and it applied almost literally.

I feel gutted and sad, maybe I have been pretending to be a okay, cos today I feel anything but.
Boxes and boxes of crap, and regurgitation of crapier feelings. I would think after a year of been broken up finding my ex girlfriends things amongst my stuff would be easy, like ‘ok, that’s hers, bin. Done.” No…

I found everything from underwear, to baby pictures, music equipment to an old toothbrush. I failed to understand this would leave a gash to the chest and a bump to the head.
This is silly, I even craved at one point, but no, I have come far to far for silly self-deceit like that.

Some times bygones are not as simple as bygones? But after procrastinating and smoke breaks every 15 minutes, I got though it, the craving past but a little sense of loneliness still lingers.

I’m growing up. Yes I still kept a few pictures and okay there’s one more really big box that I know contains really big feelings, so I will wait til my mom is here, honestly don’t really feel like doing this on my own.

Speaking of mommy, she’s been away a few hours and I find myself missing her, walking around saying mom would do this or mom would do that. Gosh, what has come over me, over emotionally sensitive to each movement in my life?

But hey, I think I might finally be growing up a little (hence crying for my mom at the age of 31, yeah: real grown up)