For those who do not understand: I am an addict who has been floating in and out of treatment centres, or rather "rehab" since 2003/4. As when going to school for the first time you hear a saying such as, " learn,listen" I was constantly told I need to listen or I will not learn. My first day at rehab was much of the same, "Denial" if you do not get out of your denial you will not live.
7 years later I am still tormented by that very word Denial, denial and oh my god if ever i have to hear denial is not a river in Egypt again... Its insulting to say the least.
Alas not all is mourning. Today for example: at my current treatment center are required to have a goal setting group. I have recently broken the house rules. The one that clearly states no fraternizing with a member of the community. Fraternizing is sugar coated, De flavoured meaning for SEX. Which I will with out a doubt describe at a later stage. I was asked what my goals are for the following week and as I sat on the worn, tattered, off blue couch staring out of the window over the bay to the beach, i noticed there was a fashion shoot in progress, lots of people and loads of beautiful models. I said "my goal is to go over there, pointing at the hustle of the production, and see if there are any models that I know" , I chuckled and thought myself to be very funny. Specifically as I have been stamped with a behaviour pattern of going from one relationship to the next as not to feel and if I should not change this pattern it will be detrimental to my mental health!
This is where i leave you at this moment with the little detail of I was "briefly denied" and that is the Denial I am facing now.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Speak to me