set match

I knew this 'fanily' holiday would be difficult, and difficult it has been.
I have to find a way to make this work for me, I will have to learn to really bite my tounge,
Not just a half nibble.

I sit here next to my gran as she reads gone with the wind, watching my dad and stepmom
Sort out a water bill, and the smell of sun oil from my sister lying on the out skirts of a golf course
In a yellow bikini, I can hear my brother inside lifting weights. And me, with a ciggerette trying to
Get a sense of my self and a way to fit in.

After emotionally depleting arguments with a side of my father I have not seen in years, I have found an effective
Outlet to relieve my sobs and agerous fears. I have taken to my best friend being a tennis raquet, ball and wall, and with these
Friends I smash my ball with every muscle powered by anger as hard as I can against my wall, and I run and I hit and I
Play against myself until I am drenched and tired out that I can no longer feel the hurt, my friends true. Of course I'm back
At that wall again a few hours later.

I am in a place I need to be, yes a little dependant on my therapist and councilor, emailing one
Phoning the other, I'm a therapists worst nightmare. So I promise today to wing this one on my own from her,

Let's see...