"daddy"

When I learnt how not to have a father growing up it was hurtfull enough. As an adult learning it all over again is beyond words.

To have to dip into my soul to find some sort of self control as not to feel it all comes out sideways!

By this I mean...

I know the feeling of been discarded
The notion kept me emotionally retarded

I know the pain of a blow,dust hit
No tears,instead blood by my tounge bit

Accepted back but only by rules
Expected are we to be mere fools
Thrown out to wait
Not even a childs whimper bait
Lost be gone to boundries none

Stood standing, dark but reaching
Never reminded if the screaching

Now and adult faded to part
No ends of meaning to be a part

Now years by learnt the forgiving
A balance but not stable
Woken by what I thought finally
My dad,a daughter, to soon to be

My father still now not only in realm
No space for his first not even a dream

I learnt today after 31 years, even in his subconcies I wade, not there nore here, just one past fade